In early January, someone I dearly love entered the hospital, due to a cataract of age-related problems. Doris was almost 89 years old. In a few days, she was discharged to a long-term care facility. After a few days there, a medical emergency arose.
On February 1, 2015, we made the difficult decision to stop aggressive (and painful) medical treatment, and allow Doris to pass on in peace.
These decisions were in accord with Doris’ wishes, expressed clearly on the day this decision had to be made, and in years prior. Doris also had made these wishes legally known in her Advance Medical Directive, all of which the long-term facility tried to ignore and circumvent, openly and surreptitiously.
As my dear friend Lisa said, “This is a woman who lived her whole life with dignity. She should be allowed to die with some dignity.”
Thus began a harrowing few days, and the nursing staff in the long-term facility made our life a living hell, for “allowing Doris to die.” (BTW, this is a well-known, popular facility in Norfolk, Virginia. Email me for more information.)
When hospice arrived, they were our heroes. The chaplain told me and Lisa, “I wish we had more families like you. Too many people say, ‘Do whatever you have to do, but don’t let her die!’ and the loved one ends up in a nursing home, curled up in a fetal position, unaware that they’re even in this world.”
Sunday night, February 1st, Doris asked both me and Lisa to stay with her, and we did. She was clear that it was the right choice, but she was also dealing with some fear. We were melting, but we tried to be brave for her. Lisa and I stayed with her ’round the clock, snatching bits of sleep here and there.
Our beloved Doris passed on February 5th at 5:18 am.
In addition to the non-stop stress and angst purposefully inflicted on us by this facility, we also had the emotional stress of dealing with the passing of a loved one.
For these reasons and more, I’m going to take a break from Facebook, Sears Homes, writing blogs and more. There are more than 900 blogs on this site and thousands of photos. Enjoy them. Learn from them. Share what you’ve learned.
And if you’re so inclined, send a few prayers my way. Lisa and I would be grateful.